Regaining my equilibrium

“The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium.” ~Norbet Platt

I have been feeling quite at at odds since I injured my back few weeks ago. I have experienced a range of emotions that have rocked my world. I have always prided myself on being strong and independent. I saw the Caroline Myss quote over the weekend and decided maybe it is time to let my soul do its work. I did not know how to start that process until I saw the above quote by Norbet Platt. I am putting this down on paper, well keystrokes, to try to silence my mind and start moving forward.

My first reaction -- denial. If I pretended I did not feel the slight pain, then it did not exist. I knew I did not feel quite "right," but a little discomfort was not going to slow me down. That worked for a few days. Then, a week ago Saturday, as I climbed the stairs in my house I received a blast of reality. Sharp, jabbing, mind numbing pain from head to toe.

Second reaction --panic. Oh no! What have a done? After a period of time, the pain dissipated, so I went on my way. I was not going to allow some pain to interrupt my scheduled plans. As the evening went on, the pain worsened. Finally, I do not know if it was fear, anxiety or a bit of reason, but I allowed my parents to take me to the emergency room.

Third reaction -- pain now officially is in charge and has gotten my attention. At this point, I was so out of it, that I could barely answer the basic questions the ER staff asked me. Thank goodness for my Mother and a very patient and caring ER staff.

Fourth reaction -- PAIN REIGNS! Now what am I going to do? My husband is out of the country on business and how will I care for our pups? What about all the work I need to do to prepare for an upcoming business trip? How did I seriously think I was going to take a flight west, when I could not sit in a chair for 5 minutes?

It was time for a dose of reality...

First reality -- NOW I KNOW WHAT PAIN IS! It hurts to sit, walk, lie down, to be. My mind is alive with the sounds of how what's, whys, how's. I am overwhelmed with pain.

Second reality -- Thank goodness for the loving kindness of a support team that swooped in and took over, so I would do not further damage to myself.

Third reality -- Time heals if you allow it to do so.

A week later, I have greatly reduced pain and discomfort. I am working with a physical therapist to gain my strength back. I have cancelled my business trip and I am easing slowly back into work. I am striving to understand I have limits. I am trying to put my EGO in check find patience. I need to give my mind a vacation and allow my soul to help me heal. This post is my first step in that direction. I know I may stumble along the way, but tonight I am able to see the path with much better clarity.

Thank you for helping me regain my equilibrium.

Namaste,

Sandee